i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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