i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
