i jhust puked up my retainher.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
