Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
