Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
