i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
