if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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