My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize