shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This baby is an asshole
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
