youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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