had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
