I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone shattered a urinal.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
