My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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