i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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