I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
