Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
