It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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