the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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