Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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