I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
