hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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