I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
