this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
