thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
