they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
