i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
