You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they need to just BURY HIM!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
