You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
