I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Randomize
