What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
