hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
