i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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