# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
