My brain says no but my pants say off.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
