My room smells like vodka and shame
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
