please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he fucked my hip out of place.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
