She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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