Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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