Pappa wants mamma naked
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize