I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
