In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you will always have a special place in my vag
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
