Got a toothbrush?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
