I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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