He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize