If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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