Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
