you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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