be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
