I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
