u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
