You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
