I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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