Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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