It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
