yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize