if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
