better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
