I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
