there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
