i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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