She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
