it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
