His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
