I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
