The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
