happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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