when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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