You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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