Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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