you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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