Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
