halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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