at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
