Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
