I wish I only lived at night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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