oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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