just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
