i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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