I can text with my tongue
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
