just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize