he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
