Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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