Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it because I queefed?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
