Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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