I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
