I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize