I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
